The Training of a Sub

I find myself in an interesting predicament.

I am in contact with one sub who lives far away and is of unknown compatibility. As such I have decided not to pursue a "real life" D/s relationship with her. But she requested help with managing her exercise and diet. And I agreed, although I have serious doubts about how genuine online D/s can be. I am willing to give it a try. I have gathered enough information from her that I believe I will be able to provide sufficient positive and negative reinforcement. It will be very interesting to see the role of reactance in this situation.

The other half of my predicament (well, perhaps another third, but it is too soon to say yet) is with a submissive vanilla girl who I will call my ferret. In an attempt to ascertain if I could go back to vanilla relationships, I went on a date with what I thought was a completely vanilla girl. But it turns out she is submissive, at least by the vanilla dictionary definition. As soon as I realized this, I decided to put all my cards on the table. I have told her what I am looking for (total obedience from a sub), but I don't think she fully understands or is ready to submit to me. She is very defiant and stubborn so far, but there are signs that I may be able to bring out and nurture her submissive side to the point where she could submit to me completely. This would be very nice for me since I like her, but cannot see myself going back to vanilla relationships at this point. I started a new discussion on TSR on this topic with the hope of learning from the experiences of others who have been in this situation before.

It is nice to have more opportunities to learn and develop, but also a bit overwhelming right now. One more month until I am done with school and will be able to devote more time to my other interests.

My First Rope

My rope finally arrived from Twisted Monk. Actually, it arrived several weeks ago, but I had it shipped to the post office under general delivery for discretion and never received a shipping notification, so I didn't bother to check if it had arrived until today. Now I just need to find someone to play with.

15' of 6mm "Sex and Violet" Hemp Rope - Beautiful Isn't It?

As a "starter set" I ordered 8 meters of 6mm "Authentic Shibari," 30 feet of 6mm "exotic Japanese Jute," and 15 feet of 6mm "Sex and Violet." This should be enough for several different combination ties (e.g. chest harness + wrist cuffs).

The Teacup

I found this today on Goddess Lillith's blog and it resonated with me.

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked, “May we see that one? We’ve never seen a cup quite so beautiful.”

As the Man handed it to them, the tea cup spoke. “You don’t understand,” it said, “I have not always been a tea cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.

My Master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, ‘Don’t do that. I don’t like it! Let me alone,’ but He only smiled, and gently said, ‘Not yet!’

“Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. ‘Stop it! I’m getting so dizzy! I’m going to be sick!’, I screamed. But the Master only nodded and said, quietly, ‘Not yet.’

“He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then….then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. ‘Help! Get me out of here!’ I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, ‘Not yet.’

“When I thought I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. ‘Oh, that felt so good! Ah, this is much better,’ I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. ‘Oh, please; stop it, stop it!!’ I cried. He only shook his head and said. ‘Not yet!’

Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering, What’s he going to do to me next?

An hour later he handed me a mirror and said ‘Look at yourself”. And I did. I said, ‘”That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful!”

Quietly he spoke: “I want you to remember, then,” he said, ‘I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you would not have survived for long because the hardness would not have held.

Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.”

He is the potter, and we are his clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill us.

Thoughts on the Loss of a Sub

My bunny took me by surprise this week. She sent me an email ending our relationship. This was particularly unexpected because up until that point I saw no signs of her moving away from being a submissive or from our relationship. But her email was clear that due to some factors in her life, she was rethinking what she wanted in relationships. This gave me the distinct impression that she is attempting to not be a submissive.

Because of the words and the tone of her email, I chose to fight the urge to attempt to dominate or discipline her out of this decision. She seemed both serious and determined, and knowing that she has a powerful spirit, I had to respect her decision. Part of me does worry that this is just a manifestation of the impulsiveness she constantly warned me of and that by not bringing her back under my guidance, I am somehow letting her down.

I grew very fond of my bunny during our time together and will miss her. She was a natural submissive who needed very little guidance. Based on this I was already making plans to move towards a more serious (M/s) relationship with her. These two things combined with her being my first sub make this a deep loss indeed. I do worry that, just as people tend to do in vanilla relationships, I may slip up and compare some future sub to my bunny. This would of course be unjust, as each sub requires careful analysis, guidance, and discipline unique to their own strengths and limitations. I suppose I should remain hopeful that my next sub will make up for any deficiencies in submissive nature with a stronger sense of commitment.

Things of which I can't freely speak.

First, I feel the need to clarify this post title. There are very few topics which I will conceal or limit discussion on. After all, this is a blog dedicated to sharing my thoughts on the BDSM, D/s, M/s lifestyle. Avoiding frank discussion of what will necessarily be very delicate topics would be inherently counterproductive.

However I have two rules that I will follow in my posting:

1. The names of the innocent and not-so-innocent will be protected. I will go by the name Master Robert, but that is not my real name. My sub will be bunny, or Master Robert's bunny, or even just girl, but her real name and her other Name (I will cover this distinction in the future) will not be used. Other people who may come up in my writings will either be assigned pseudonyms, or just be referred to by a letter (Master B, my friend J, etc.).
2. Places may or may not be made clear. Depending on the impact of revealing the place of certain activities, I may choose to leave out the exact location, or even fabricate a new location. If I know you and you really want to know the where of a particular story, contact me and I may let you in on it.

Locale Not Defined

Last night a bunch of us ended up at a Seattle establishment that doesn't want to exist. At least not in any legal sense. After we went inside and paid the cover charge, we were told the rules of this place. One of the rules is that you cannot talk about it outside of the walls where it is held. I cannot write much about this place, other than to say that it is the most amazing display of underground illegal activity I have witnessed. Every activity I witnessed there was clearly illegal. And yet they were all activities that I would support the legalization of. The only downside to this place is that the air is thick with smoke, leaving non-smokers (perhaps smokers too) with irritated eyes and throats, and stinky clothes. And this is the kind of place were you want, no, are required to wear your finest.

I am playing with the idea of taking my bunny there in her collar and a very revealing dress, and leading her around by a leash. I suspect that most of the patrons won't even bat an eye.