Strangely enough I have been a prisoner of my own mind for the past few weeks. A great darkness came and swallowed the part of me that makes me whole. And without this center of my being to hold me fast and guide me, the world was a very dark place indeed. All my strengths seemed useless, my flaws insurmountable, and the small barbs we must all fend off each day cut at me relentlessly.
To name something is to have power over it. So I call this darkness for what it is: depression. Yes, even Masters can suffer from this illness.
I don't know how I got to that dark place and now that I am nearly free of it, I can't say I know how I escaped. But my mind feels close to whole again. The dichotomies that are part of me have been restored: calm and wild, kind and vicious, carefully thoughtful and spontaneous. In the dark place these were all muted and I spoke and acted with the voice of one half-dead.
Thank you to those who love me and reached out to me with kindness. And especially to you my darling pet, my mouse, my Jezebel, my love.
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A peephole into the skull of a Dominant
1 comment:
As someone who has periodic depression I can relate all too well to that feeling of malaise. It is both pervasive and subtle, and it downright sucks. You have my support, whatever that might entail at this distance.
Completely belated, but there you go.
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